Revelation of Gustaaf Rutgers’
Mystical Experience,

a Transpersonal Portal to a New Science
of Human Transcendence

 

 

Gustaaf Rutgers, Independent Researcher, Sauwerd, Groningen,
The Netherlands. Mail: gustaafrutgers@gmail.com

 

Dirk K.F. Meijer, PhD, em. Prof. Pharmacokinetics and Pharmacotherapy, University of Groningen, The Netherlands.

(editor, text design, scientific advise)

 

 

Introduction

Whoever wants to become Being must go through Un-becoming. Without naming this process as such, I walked exactly that path prematurely as an adolescent. The path of un-becoming fascinated me. I desperately wanted to know the truth and I sensed that I would have to radically say goodbye to my mental content. Perhaps it helped me greatly that I found out that my accumulated mental content was essentially illusory. Fake.

 

My Biography: A Return with Pain

As a child, I was not allowed to be who I truly was. I grew up in a minister’s family where many things went wrong. My father, as a preacher, took excellent care of my shelter, education and clothing. My mother managed the household above average well. But the love... Where was the love? The unconditional love? At the age of 9, I decided to completely pseudo-adapt to my father’s commandments and my mother’s prohibitions. Against my original will.

​When living becomes surviving, truth is violated. But I had no choice. I saw no other survival strategy available to me. My two older brothers often showed resistance toward my parents, but as the youngest I saw that they too proved powerless. Childishly intelligent, I thought then ‘if I have to show resistance for another five years without even one millimeter of result, I’ll give up’. And so it happened.

​Friends were never allowed to come to the house. Joining a sports club was forbidden. Simply enjoying the world was taken from me by my father through his extremely intrusive loudly spoken monologues; according to him, this world was not the real world. The real world comes later, according to my father. Oh, how I suffered under his dominating preacher talk! He penetrated my permeable highly sensitive child’s mind without respect for my autonomy.

​Spiritual rape by my father and social-emotional soul-wounding by my mother gave me an extraordinarily testing inhibiting start in life as a human being. While I experienced the contacts with friends, teachers at elementary school as very loving, honest and equal, it was so different after I passed the threshold of the parsonage again. I find it sad that this was my experienced family truth, but it was really so. I cry.

​From the age of 9, I lived as a soul pseudo-dead. I tried to suppress the palpable pain inflicted on me daily by locking up my true self in the basement of my originally healthy consciousness. Ten years of cold imprisonment meant I could avoid those enormous pains, but I simulta­neously created additional psychological complaints. Anxiety, panic and hyper­venti­lation. At 19, it became too much for me; I had a nervous breakdown.

​For several months I then lived with old neighbors. I was broken. Completely exhausted. Far gone. I still successfully completed the school year, but I felt very well that I was far from there. Surrendering to therapy seemed too confronting to me, since I had to lie the truth for ten years. And thus had stored up ten years of dam pain in the depths. First I wanted to have one year of beautiful experiences. Abroad.

 

Foreign Adventures: A Different Learning Path

A week before my 20th birthday, I left for London. I worked briefly at a wholesaler, but soon applied at Daks Simpson Piccadilly. At Simpson I could work as a salesman of top fashion. I had a wonderful time there! I still think back on it with happiness-giving positivity. Courteous, collegial and English humorous. That’s how it was there. Meanwhile, I could not completely relax my body and mind, but I gave my soul the necessary rest.

​After a year in London, I decided to work for Daks at Geissler Königsallee in Düsseldorf. Sales and language gradually succeeded in Germany as well as in England, but my underlying tensions no longer tolerated it. After half a year, I felt compelled to resign prematurely. I deliberately chose to live with my parents again. In order to investigate what the possible cause was of parental lack of love.

 

My Parents: A New Confrontation with my Father, But No Reckoning

Through logical thinking and paranormal clairvoyance - clear feeling and clear knowing - I concluded after about six months that my father was probably at the root of much family misery. I confronted him with my suspicion. I mentally put great pressure on him. I didn’t know exactly what might be going on content-wise, but intuitively I sensed that he was the source of all neurotizing aspects such as tension and anxiety within our family.

​Two months later - October 1989 - the truth finally came out. My father crawled on the floor. Full of emotion. In tears he confessed that he and my mother had jointly rejected psychiatric advice given to them both separately in 1960. His professors from the theological university in Kampen and also his own father advised him at the time that he should suppress his true identity. He decided on self-denial.

​Although my parents thus individually received negative marriage advice, my father and mother married anyway. After ten years of marriage, they both went into crisis and again decided that their marriage secret had to be definitively suppressed. My mother has been completely closed off since then. Show true empathy toward me and my brothers? Was nowhere to be found! As I said: from the age of 9, my soul went underground. Body and mind acted above ground. Separated.

​Alice Miller wrote the book ‘Drama of the Gifted Child’. Miller excellently explains how a mother can narcissistically occupy her child. I experienced that. Unfortunately. My authentic self was manipulated by my mother. My God-given autonomous decision-making freedom was callously ignored. Hard. After this frequent manipulation, my mother often behaved very nicely. In fact, incongruent. And I saw through that all too well.

 

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Natasha Kampusch wrote the book ‘The Theft of My Youth’. Kampusch’s body, mind and soul at age 10 were locked up in a cellar by a kidnapper for a good eight years. To survive, she too chose the path of adaptation. Fortunately, I could go to school during the day, but in terms of prison feeling I completely recognize her experiences. Having to suffer psychotrauma self-consciously in a healthy mind is unblameworthy, but severely disabling.

 

The Dark Sides of my Past and Faith

To extensively characterize the dark sides of my past to you as reader is not the purpose of my writing. Yet I believe I must share it in abbreviated form. So that you can place my mystical legacy in an everyday human framework. Heavy darkness often precedes mystical enlighten­ment, but essentially I want to share with you and your soul what may be comforting, encouraging and creating enthusiasm.

​After having lived with my parents for nine months after London and Düsseldorf, I moved - at the time of my father’s confession - to a tiny house in the countryside. Once every three weeks I already had a conversation with a hypnotherapist, but that conversation never went about my search for truth. Besides the beneficial hypnotherapeutic conversations, I secretly engaged in a spiritual quest. I longed for truth. I longed for God.

​Being raised with Reformed faith had not freed me in the least. Christian faith rather gave me a feeling of imprisonment. Faith made me unfree. I did not find believing intelligent. I considered every form of belief and disbelief unwise. Therefore, I was completely willing to completely reject the faith imposed on me. I also saw through that holding on to non-religious everyday beliefs should also essentially be best rejected.

​Because I looked deep inside at that time - at age 22 - I eventually gained the insight that truth can never be found within reason. Within thinking, truth would thus be unfindable. Then the thought came to me that truth might then be found beyond the intellect. Through insatiable desire, I decidedly decided to engage in an intimately very dangerous experiment: detaching myself from my reason.

​Perhaps unconsciously also influenced by the sessions of my hypnotherapy, I began to desire more in my mind to empty all my mental contents. After all, I wanted to free myself from all those insane - not really my own - beliefs which I was religiously and practically forced to internalize at home. I saw that de-identification with the psychological and religious command­ments and prohibitions imposed on me for years could offer liberation.

​Of course, I never wanted to permanently lose my thinking ability, but my insight forced me to seriously consider giving up my thought identifications with the risk of perhaps losing my intellect forever. Note: I had never read anything about this kind of internal experimental investigation. I let myself be guided by my intuition, paranormal internal clairvoyance as far as it reached and hopefully eventually justified growing trust in one God.

​God and truth are connotatively the same to me. I ideally define the thought content of both concepts identically as being empty. While since my mystical enlightenment experience I of course realize damned well how paradisiacally incomprehensibly full that emptiness was, is and will remain. Those who have been there - and those who have never not been there since - know that the content of the words ‘God’ and ‘truth’ here coincide in eternal love immortally.

​I emptied my mind together with consciously weakening my mental boundary. I tried to make the mental boundary as permeable as possible. So that with some luck I could more easily get beyond the space of my individual consciousness. I tried in this way to make my mind optimally receptive to whatever one truthfulness that could enter me individually from universal consciousness.

​At the supreme moment, it ultimately appeared not so much that I could get beyond my individual consciousness boundary, but that I had created the ultimate conditions with which universal divine blissful eternal consciousness could as it were acquire a never-disappearing position in my personal brain. Apparently I had successfully made myself receptive; my boundaries were wide open. God could enter. And that happened!

 

Speaking and Writing about Divine Truth

I actually consider writing and speaking about divine truth unwise. But well, not communicating about it I honestly also don’t find correct. Not very humane. Because the consciousness that became common property to me at a merciful moment as the most beloved eternity gift, belongs deeply to everyone. Yet the public dissemination of my acquired consciousness regarding the mentioned concepts is not without danger. Danger of misinterpretation and risk of condemnation.

​Those who distinguish themselves do not easily make themselves popular. Especially not when it concerns soul matters. Such things all come too close. And also: many have declared that area as certain for the eternity they feign. Rock-hard petrified against oppositions. From faith, philosophical preference or assumed science. No one may come there from them. I understand that, you know. Most people let themselves be kidnapped for life by unenlightened ideas.

​Those who have experienced the absolute know that they cannot find words in our everyday relative reality to make the message of the non-relative understood by listeners without noise. One can understand that a person who suppresses the pain of truth does so through a form of pseudo-enlightenment. But the person who unconditionally accepts the truth during life and dies by grace and becomes enlightened in the absolute remains misunderstood.

​Prior to my mystical enlightenment moment, I waded through the dead-end river. Not knowing when the moment of dying would present itself to me. The other side determined the moment. Not me. For this too, in fact, applied: a person can make themselves highly receptive to the end, but the conclusion is decided by divine nature. That death proved to be the true birth. The finish of my self-obscuration was the start of Mystical Happiness.

 

My Spontaneous Mystical Experience: Dying to an Other World

The transition from my psychological self-obscuration to mystical self-enlightenment was, is and remains the most significant thing that has happened to me in my human life. I stood opposite a cow. I looked into her right eye. I disappeared. Into that eye. Behind that eye. A world revealed itself to me that proved to coincide exactly with the world in which I found myself. In clear consciousness I stood in that meadow. A presence overcame me such as I had never experienced.

​I was that presence. But I also was not. It was clearly not I who revealed myself to me. It was clearly I who revealed myself. Are you still following me? I am now suddenly expressing myself paradoxically to you. Should I apologize for this? No, right? That your logic cannot follow my writing does not yet mean that I as a writer would suddenly communicate nonsense and untruth to you. Opening yourself to alogic helps understand my seemingly contradictory statements.

​That your intellect threatens to quickly drop out, you can consider as a wake-up call. You may have cultivated little of the terrain of the uncertain non-logical throughout life. Well, that is no reproach, but often a factual observation. What I hope to reach you in is that you ask yourself why you want to drop out in your thinking when it gets wobbly. Your current balance probably lies within logic. For me it lies outside logic and outside alogic. In between.

​From this floating middle I steadfastly tell you what I experienced during my disappearance. In that moment of unification with the cow’s eye, two viewers merged. Liquid eyes connected. Human and animal. We became one. Our external looking transformed directly into internal insight. In my experience world, I looked straight through the sensory visible. I went around the corner, as it were. Without really dying. I looked directly into the source of life.

 

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To suddenly see this invisible, I experienced as un-extinguishable bliss. The nature of seeing was incomparable with any paranormal perception. The perception that befell me was one of complete non-I. My I was not busy infiltrating an imperceptible spiritual land through some kind of clairvoyance. No, it all came unforced, unintentional, unexpected to me. A holy cow gave me the truth.

​My being thereby became simultaneously my Being since then. I saw eternity, but also experienced that I am that eternity. I was, am and remain eternity. That is why I have been so happy since my mystical enlightenment experience. I am blissful eternity! It also proved wonder­ful that my eternity runs parallel to my temporality. My perpetuity is already now. The paradisiacal being something is inseparably my divine soul. The soul particle Gustaaf I realize myself there and here.

​Where am I? Here and there. In essence I see no difference. From my soul consciousness I know that I am everywhere. Like a particle in the cosmos that is absolutely nowhere. My intellect no longer needs to solve anything; my intellect itself has been dissolved. And when you are still walking around in your thinking with all kinds of questions, I kindly invite you to do the same: let your thinking dissolve. Leave your thinking, weaken your thinking boundaries and then receptively wait.

 

The Impossibility of a Verbal Representation of my Enlightenment

When I suggest something like this to fellow humans, people soon look at me with a look of dread. Often I also quickly hear the comment ‘Yes, hello, I’m not crazy?!’ No, what I offer conversation partners in love is not warmly embraced. Their direct reasoning quickly lets me know that they would never do such a thing. They do not wish to give up the mind, the thinking ability, the intellect, the head, the reason, the logic, the conditioned brain. I understand that.

​Throwing the mental health anchor overboard is of course also not what I intended in the past. On the contrary. But at age 22, my intuition told me that I had to be willing to leave my thinking in order to possibly find truth outside it. Who knows, my writing to you may be able to engage you content-wise - and that is already profit - but honesty obliges me to say that I am of the opinion that transfer of my mystical consciousness is impossible.

​If you truly wish to walk the path of enlightenment, you really must open yourself. Open yourself to the space of not-knowing. Beyond thinking that branch of knowing is findable. How you think to get there is up to you. Meditation can be helpful to you. Choose your own preference in this. The kundalini meditation of Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh once appealed to me. The Quantum Light Breath, a breath meditation by Jeru Kabal, can also help you.

​The space of not-knowing is not the same as the space of not knowing. By not-knowing I mean to indicate content-wise that that is the space of the beheld unknowable. I know the unknowable. That which through thinking never becomes knowable. Science will in my mystical eyes never be able to incorporate the unknowable within its domain. Science investigates what it does not yet know - and that is magnificent - but not beyond the boundary of not-knowing.

 

Cosmic Consciousness in a Flash

Richard Maurice Bucke wrote in his book ‘Cosmic Consciousness’ that he declares with certainty that he learned more in the few seconds of enlightenment than in the preceding months or even years of study, while he also learned much that no study could ever have revealed to him. He also stated that it had nothing to do with ‘believing’. He saw and knew that the cosmos is not dead matter and that the soul of man remains immortal by nature.

​His words of truth correspond with what has also befallen me. I know directly that the same thing happened to him as to me. Suddenly seeing the light. It is an experience that of course can only occur once. I repeat: the mystical enlightening experience can occur only once in a human life. Bucke and I know for sure that we can never doubt the truth of what we beheld. And no, esteemed critic, that is not a conviction.

​It is precisely all beliefs that have burned up before one can arrive at this undoubtable knowing. The mystical utterance ‘don’t forget to die before you die’ is exactly what happens to someone when years of darkness can never again be experienced as darkness through this one light moment. The existential question whether there is light in the darkness is irreversibly answered. Scientific knowing or church believing? No. Experiential knowing!

​The moment of cremation is the moment of assurance. An assurance that no longer needs to be paid out. After the cremation I have namely totally turned inward. Completely myself. My true self. My immortal I. In Mystical Happiness I wrote the following: science, wisdom and faith prove to me obstacles equal to ignorance, stupidity and disbelief. I cannot summarize it better. The I that I met there, went and goes beyond the earthly highest.

 

Here Science Falls Short: Dying Before You Die

I of course recognize the beauty of scientific and philosophical truth. I also recognize at heart level the sensitively high reach of poetry. But I despise faith. I consider faith an obstacle. Faith creates the obstacle between God and man. I believe believers are violated by clergy who act as mediators. The true spiritual should in my eyes proclaim that believers should let go of their faith and learn to deal with not-knowing.

​My father was a minister. He hammered faith into me. Loud and clear, sometimes subtle. In an intrusively illusionary way, my father forced his fictitious hereafter upon me in the actual present. His ideas aimed at my God-given perception from my free, early childhood years exchanging with his supposedly well-meaning faith reality. I saw and see his imposed faith perception on me as child abuse.

​Spiritual child abuse all takes place in the invisible. Those who are sensitive - and who is not initially - get slaps in the face. Some daily. And no one who intervenes. What loneliness! A perfectly born baby - which you and I once were - has much to endure. My earliest memories begin around my 5th year of life, but from my 8th somewhat clearer. At 9 I decided to deliberately hypocritically shut myself off from the abuse.

​Strangely enough, my mother could on the one hand behave motherly lovingly in the past, on the other hand she was unreasonably strict. Before she behaved nicely toward me, she manipulated my natural self. Damagingly. In her role as minister’s wife she behaved like a Hyacinth in the British comedy series ‘Keeping up Appearances’. Hyacinth pretended to be someone from the upper class. That’s how my mother acted too. Like my father. That’s how their game stood.

​Although my parents both knew the curtain had fallen, they kept up appearances. Under the banner of love. Somewhere it was also a form of love, but rather loyalty, I think. Loyalty to the marriage promise, unfaithful to everyone’s true self. That was their drama. They persisted. For years. Against the current. Stubbornly willful. Utterly stupid. Destructive. I actually also want to stop about it. But know, dear reader, that I realize through damage how it should not be.

 

The Enlightenment Moment: Eternity Is Already Now

Back to my enlightenment moment. My consciousness receives the divine insight into the impossibility of dying. Well, how shall I explain that to you? I saw that dying does not exist. Everything and everyone is eternity. Ensouled. Pan-psychistic. Monistic. That’s how I expe­rien­ced it. As if my personal soul particle is and remains present lifelong and deathlong in a kind of bliss­ful soul sea. Already now. Being alive or dead, therefore does not matter. Your soul particle is.

​The whole idea that the possible eternity according to believers could present itself after their life is incorrect. Eternity is already in you now. Your Soul particle is located there here and now. Already during your life your imperishable being never perishably resides in that extremely true, infinitely unconditionally loving being domain. In the enlightenment every form of viewing direction died in me. The true I was perspectiveless. The point from which I looked proved unfindable.

​My I-disappearance meant the I-appearance. The false fell away. The true stood up. Very strange actually. The seemingly real disappeared and the essentially true appeared. There was no trouble letting go of the old. There was only an immediate resonating with the soul particle. Whereby I directly also experienced myself as a co-waving part of everything and everyone. As if it had never been different. My original little being knew stante pede: this is where I belong.

​Clearly I realized to be God without being God. I mean: my soul particle was and is and remains a tiny little wave of the divine. Modesty of course. But as a particle I experienced the oceanic whole. I was briefly the ocean. I was briefly God, part of God. Too holy to name. Yet I tell you. And again: accept nothing from me, believe nothing of what I tell you. Reject my text. However, also wisely reject your own.

 

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All those texts, all that information. Wonderful to know, nice to store. But also burden­some. Veiling. Attention-demanding. Tiring. Who is not regularly information-tired? Ah, it has advantages and disadvantages. But to come to the God experience, unveiling seems to me the way. Erasing all the linguistic. Yes, yes, that is very radical. But that’s how I did it. Dehypnotized myself as it were. With posthypnotic suggestions of ideally lifelong emptiness.

​Those who completely erase the stored information come closer to their potential. Becoming empty of precisely also your wonderful wisdoms and knowledge creates space for something new. Something else. Not refilling your acquired emptiness can make it possible for universal knowing and universal wisdom to enter you. Those who dare let go of the attachment to the small or great mind they are, make room for the most intimate.

​During life few are willing to give their life. I did it. Not that I wanted to die so much. Of course not. I wanted to find the truth, meet God. It was also not a physical dying. I prepared myself for a spiritual death, which I hoped was real, but in the depths illusory. That’s how it was. My ego did not die, but I carefully saw through how false the form and especially the content of character was. Wonderful to have seen through that veil.

 

Mystical Information: Preparation for my Physical Dying?

I will someday shed body and mind during my physical death. In fact, I have at the deepest level, since my enlightenment moment at the end of my 22nd year of life, already somewhat distanced myself from it, but I am tremendously happy that during my earthly physical existence I have had my body and my mind available to date in sufficiently healthy condition. I thank God for that! All of life is actually a life in grace. Where you help your benevolence. Or counteract.

​My encounter with universal being does not take leave. For about 35 years I have as a soul particle been in continuous contact with the cosmos. My eternity consciousness is never losable. My unique vibration position was, is and remains where it is. There I am. And that so-called there is exactly also here. Somewhere and nowhere. I cannot say it better. But I don’t write that to be nicely apt, you know. I convey the location best as being locally non-local.

​The soul wave is locally and non-locally undetectable and yet my experiential insight was and is that it is correct when I define the location property as being seemingly contradictory. It sounds paradoxical - and so it is - that the soul particle at the deepest level - at the level of eternity - is non-local and as long as a subject lives or an object exists a soul particle is locally connected with a certain bodily or material physicality, but that’s how I saw and see it.

 

Quantum Physics: An Interpretation Framework?

My everyday physically-bound mind cannot but reason through dualities. The handling of separations also certainly says something about the nature of human spiritual reality. Completely fine. But the non-two aspect of spiritual reality surpasses understanding. Cosmic unity, including all separations, is incomprehensible to human thinking capacity. Seemingly insane contradictions are not processed.

​That quantum physics can no longer in contemporary science from initial determinedness but through proof make doubtful, I consider a divine joke. How wonderfully fine that the dominantly dogmatically materialistic scientific approach may relativize itself. I of course remain grateful for the proven extremely significant beta approach of science, but I look forward to a kind of spiritual parallel paradigm.

​Why not also scientifically approach reality through an extra paradigm that investigates extrasensory phenomena? If necessary based on intersubjectivity. Unconscious beliefs also often precede hard science. Hard science may then rightly be concerned about unconscious beliefs or even consciously added faith thoughts when subjectivities become science. Agreed. So safeguard such things.

​On April 20, 2012, Rupert Sheldrake gave a lecture in Groningen titled ‘The science delusion. Freeing the spirit of inquiry’. Jan Willem Romeijn was the opposing co-speaker. I wrote Sheldrake the following email a few days after his lecture:

 

Correspondence with an Expert Scientist

 

Dear Mr. Sheldrake,

On 20th April 2012 I attended your lecture in Groningen. Due to a shortage of time I was unable to tell you the following:

I once studied psychology at the university of Groningen (RUG). But I consciously failed to complete the study because of the fact that I had and have a distinct perception (knowledge) of truth. When I was 22, one year before I went to university, I ‘received’ an (enlightening) mystical experience. Although I could write a lot about it, I will - according to your request - keep it short.

My mystical experience lasted a few seconds (of eternity; I’m afraid that writing in paradox is the only way to communicate this meta-logical experience). All of a sudden, within the experience, I ‘saw’ that there is no difference between mind and matter, between subject and object, between so called alive material and so called dead material. In non-scientific words I could say that I experienced truth,
I experienced God, I experienced space and time beyond thinking.

In my opinion (Western) philosophy and science bases itself too much on reaching truth by thinking. Part of the existing pluralistic (dogmatic) materialistic approach of science should be an approach of non-thinking. Knowledge of non-thinking could than become a faculty of let’s say science of mystics.
Of course, the difficulty of evidence will remain. But evidence is a matter of thinking.

 

Dear Mr Sheldrake, could you please respond on my thesis ‘Truth exists, but consciousness of truth cannot be found in science’.

I admire your persisting scientific work. And I wish you ongoing success and joy in your professional and personal Life.

 

Yours sincerely, Gustaaf Rutgers

 

P.S.: You mentioned Leiden and Amsterdam, but as far as I know only in Utrecht there has been a faculty of parapsychology.

 

In response to my writing, I received the following emails on April 23, 2012:

 

Dear Gustaaf,

Thank you for your very interesting and encouraging email which I will pass onto Rupert Sheldrake for his reply.

I have also included your powerful mystical experience onto our database.

Best wishes Pam Smart (Researcher)

 

Dear Gustaaf,

Thanks for your email and for telling me about your experience.

I completely agree that there are forms of experience which go way beyond anything science can achieve of formulate.

And even in the sphere of religion, although all religions are ultimately based on this mystical experience, attempts to formulate it in words are invariably limited.

Nevertheless religions can still be helpful. My main teacher in this main area was Father Bede Griffiths, in whose ashram I lived in India.

You might be interested in looking at some of his books, like The Marriage of East and West.

Best wishes Rupert Sheldrake

 

In 2014, Sheldrake contributed well to the ‘Manifesto for a post-materialist science’. Point 9 states: ‘Studies of the so-called psi-phenomena indicate that we can sometimes receive meaningful information without the use of ordinary senses, and in ways that transcend the habitual space and time constraints.’ Point 15d: ‘Minds are apparently unbounded and may unite in ways suggesting a unitary, One Mind that includes all individual, single minds.’ Point 15f: ‘Scientists should not be afraid to investigate spirituality and spiritual experience since they represent a central aspect of human existence.’ Point 5: ‘Faith in the nearly absolute dominance of the ideology of materialism, as an exclusive planatory framework for reality, has compelled scientists to neglect the subjective dimension of human experience.’ I am glad that within science worldwide there is a struggle for the introduction of a different framework of thought.

 

Direction Struggle: Materialism and the Mental Domain

The direction struggle is for now repeatedly won by the materialists. The idealists perhaps gain some ground and some respect, but there is certainly no victory to date. It is also not that the idealists argue they want to fatally hit the materialists like David hit Goliath; in the above-mentioned manifesto, for example, it is also clearly stated in closing: ‘Post-materialism is inclusive of matter.’ Idealists want to go hand in hand, but they do not.

​Ervin László seeks through his ‘Institute of new paradigm research’ and his ‘theory of everything’ a satisfying solution for the struggle between science and religion. ‘The scientific and medical network’ strives to complement materialistic science and mystical knowledge. Bernard Carr ‘is developing a new psycho-physical paradigm which accommodates normal, paranormal and mystical experiences.’ Look, that makes me very happy!

​Carr said in an interview with the Essentia Foundation December 2023, that there are currently more than 100 PhD parapsychologists in Great Britain. Beautiful! By the way, the Essentia Foundation itself also does good work. Fred Matser founded the foundation; in his video ‘Beyond me’ he clearly explains his mystical experience. Matser has appointed Bernardo Kastrup as executive director. Kastrup is a contemporary fervent advocate of idealism.

 

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Fritjof Capra sketches in 1975 in his book ‘The tao of physics’ parallels between modern physics and Eastern mysticism. According to Capra, physicists observe like mystics. The former do so empirically outward, the latter meditatively inward. Wave particles are in the depths inacces­sible to the senses just as the transcendental state of consciousness surpasses the ordinary everyday sensory. Results of quantum physics and mysticism defy our consciousness.

 

In response to an article, ‘Physics Catches Up with Mysticism’, I reacted in 2022 on the site ‘Ongrond’:

During my mystical enlightening moment I experienced what coincides with physics and what surpasses physics. As a mystic I have since known the not-knowing. I know the not-knowing. This sounds paradoxical - and it is - but I cannot express it differently in language. The mystic has experienced the not-knowing, has become conscious of it. The scientist, however brilliant, can never reach the not-knowing. The scientist can know or not know (note: without hyphen), but the scientist can never know the not-knowing. At most if a scientist is also a mystic. And in that case that mystic knows that he can never bring his not-knowing within the domain of his science. Physics can therefore never catch up with mysticism. Progressive physics can contribute to deepening metaphorical under­standing of mysticism, but again: physics can never surpass mysticism. I write this so firmly because I have Seen it. And also because I take pleasure lifelong in the ultima­tely repeated failure of science to elevate mystical knowledge to science. The highly subjective - and among peers the highly intersubjective - cannot be objectively grasped. The core - the mystical particle - is elusive.

 

Where Science Ends, Mysticism Begins

Both approaches to true reality are mutually additionally indispensably meaningful. But well, as I said, I was and am of the opinion that truth consciousness is located outside scientific thinking. Everyday thinking also functions as cloud cover for the sun. Knowing something is not the same as being conscious of something. Knowing something is also always gradual. Absolute consciousness - thus the realization of non-thinking - does not know gradually ascending step­wise higher degrees. The knower of the absolute knows everything. Everything and nothing. Nothing especially!

​Modesty befits him or her who realizes the divine unification once eternally. Taking an arrogant position based on experience evokes opposition. That is how our human thinking is grounded. Even when it concerns advaita. In the late nineties I already had a strong clash during a satsang of Douwe Tiemersma; I was of the opinion - he was not - that after the moment of enlightenment and self-realization the relative behavior thereafter shows itself both enlightened and unenlightened.

​See here the difficulty of communicating. A person can actually not but stand completely alone. Fully autonomous. Communion is very often very difficult. Let alone when three or more people want to reach each other. If the group is somewhat larger, it often becomes easier; the individuals drop out inwardly. And gradually conform comfortably to the so-called group identity. Thus unity arises. Pseudo-unity. Implicitly accepted camouflage.

​Implicit dividedness. Tacitly accepted chaos. By no means resonating with the idea of implicate order introduced by David Bohm; an order of undivided wholeness behind our visible and tangible world. Those who have experienced the external cosmos internally cosmically have surpassed the level of intuitive faith or proven science. And now I suddenly feel emotional. It is the wordless silence whose truth overcomes me inside and outside.

 

Here, I Am There

Here I am there. At the same moment. In essence every form of separation is untrue. I am it. Everywhere. And always. In God. In love. Eternal love. Eternal beingness. I see and am an existence that transcends all brain-being. The space, which is no space, is unconditionally loving essential ground. Never losable. Eternally possessive. Without having to name this emphatically as possession or having to protect it. Here it is safe. This is Godland.

​This divine point, neither within nor within and neither outside nor outside, is pointless. An opening in open space. I am that opening, I see through that, but that open space immediately makes connection with my openness, whereby I as a wonder directly completely coincide with it. The oceanically cosmic expanse approaches me. Not the other way around. Special, right? Appa­rently I had given everything - and I know that was so - whereby not I, but God, made us merge.

​Headlessly I made my absolute bow. Beyond my brain I received the divine signals. The entry of the unkillable living God-love is unforgettable. The transforming character has as it were confirmed and erased my personality to my soul. Washed clean. Or should I say: I was already soul-beautiful, but only became conscious of it? Also good. It doesn’t matter to me. I live beyond words and images.

 

My Diary as Anchor

Let me now show you below what I wrote in a kind of diary before 2014 prior to my intention to publish my mystical experience from 1990, after years of processing:

Gratitude. I have won the jackpot. At age 22. I am Home. I have seen God. I have been God. Very briefly. And an eternity. Thank you, Lord. Thank you, God. Thank. Thank. Thank. I am grateful to you. Not I, but You have made me reach the highest. The nothing. The divine, eternal, infinite nothing. I am Home. I cry. I am Home.

Humility. That befits me. Because the last step came from God. I made myself receptive. That yes. I worked hard on that at the time. But You came. Straight into my heart. From my heart. My God, where were You not?! Everywhere. I was everywhere and nowhere. I was God. Very briefly. Very briefly God-consciousness. I cry.

For a long time I could not handle You. Of course, inwardly yes. Uninterruptedly. But now I come outside. I am going to tell It to the world. And thus simultaneously - I feel it - to my earthly personal self. To my human here and now. I cry again. This is so intimate. So vulnerable. So confronting. I have hidden it away for a long time.

Now I am truly fully willing to expose myself. To the world. To fellow humans. But thus also to myself! To my human self. In my thinking, in my human-being, in my speaking, in my being. I am going to ground that which is heavenly. I am going to express in human language what my soul knows. Emotion. How to do this? Actually impossible.

I have knowledge of that which cannot be known through knowing. I have experienced. I have seen. I have become conscious. Of the infinite home haven. Here and there. Simultaneously. There is no other time than simultaneity. Here and there are the same. And distinguishable time does not exist in eternity.

Dear fellow human, I know. That which through knowing cannot be known. I Know. And I will try to transpose this seemingly impossible Knowing to verbal knowing. I owe it to myself, God and fellow human. Not really. But still. The wisdom I have gained, I want to try to share. The insight that has been given to me, I want to first record in human language. Knowing that I cannot reach you. I can at most share something of my experience with you. Which in essence can also be yours. Not by reading my words. But perhaps through inspiration. The way is deadly lonely. But the way ultimately leads to mystical happiness. The choice is yours.

 

Articles in Paravisie and Civis Mundi: Spreading the Message

In the city and province of Groningen I published Mystical Happiness in physical copies in 2017. In 2018 I published the text integrally in ParaVisie, a spiritual magazine. In 2018 I also decided to offer the text digitally via my site mystiekgeluk.nl. And since 2023 I have been publishing Mystical Happiness on Civis Mundi, a digital journal for social philosophy and culture. Civis Mundi aims to promote scientifically responsible reflection in our society.

 

For the site ‘The Power of Love’ I wrote the following column in 2020 upon request:

 

Adult mystical childhood

Those who in their childhood had to accept Christian, Jewish, Islamic, Hindu or atheistic faith, will not easily decide on adult age to reject such faith. And those who want to walk the mystical path from one of the mentioned faith directions will often not easily want to give up the attachment to this faith direction. But those who truly want to enter true mysticism will gradually become aware that they must dare to be completely honest: reject all knowledge! Including specific faith knowledge. Only after honest religious-cognitive dying can mystical not-knowing be perfectly born in freedom. Only then does your mystical childhood begin. Beyond accepting and beyond rejecting. Beyond every form of duality. Subsequently you can wholeheartedly embrace the mystical knowledge of all faith directions. You are now one with their universal core.

 

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Those who are willing to leave all knowing behind, those who are willing to empty all thought content, make themselves highly receptive to truly becoming conscious of the Wonder. The wonder of our universal eternity. That already takes place here and now. Those who have gone through the illusory death already continuously live the eternal life. I experience eternal life as divine love. And this makes me as a mystic-in-becoming increasingly fall in love with the power of divine love. The power of this Love goes beyond myself and beyond all my loved ones. Although my loved ones are part of it, you know. Certainly! But my coinciding with divine love means coinciding with all people. Coinciding with chosen loved ones and unchosen unloved ones. Without preference, thus non-dually, I see our equality.

​In this Love I experience the connection. In this Love I feel directly that we are not separated. I am myself and I am that other. Simultaneously. Two hearts prove to be one. They beat together. Then I am my fellow human, but also the animal, the tree and the stone. During the connection of hearts my soul experiences what is, what once was and what will ever be. Comparable to my enlightening moment. The beginning and infinity of my adult mystical childhood.

 

For another medium I wrote the following two columns in 2020:

 

Mysticism and Well-being

Those who in grace once behold the mystical light always fare well for the rest of life. Prosperity then stands apart from their well-being. Because mystical well-being means eternal prosperity! Those who as a person have undergone personal death will never die again. Merely live. Be soul. Eternal. As a human I remain familiar with prosperity and adversity. I prefer prosperity to adversity. But in my mystical consciousness I have no judgment. As a mystic I realize that I am in essence completely empty. My soul is as it were an opening. My soul is empty and at the same time I must say: my soul is full. Full of God. Full of that which I actually consider too holy to express in words. With the word God I mean everything that permeates and transcends my humanity. That is why as a soul silence about God is wiser than humanly speaking about God. Every word cuts. Every word divides. While God is non-dual. Transpersonally wordless. The urge to break my silence I feel when I wish to perhaps guide my fellow human a tiny little bit. Knowing that each person must independently create their own unique path. I cannot show you the way. However, I can gradually witness the way I went. My secret is receptivity.

​Those who are truly willing to ultimately make themselves completely receptive to the unknown - the Unknown - receive at some point the love of God. That love was already there, but can only enter at the moment your door stands open in one hundred percent trust for the Stranger. Not earlier. From the credo ‘Not I, but You, O God’ you make room. Gradually you grow in your willingness to make room. You are ultimately wholeheartedly willing to completely disappear. That is somewhere deadly scary - it really comes down to trust - but also fascinatingly exciting. As if you are a child again and enter a haunted house for the first time. Fear and trust go hand in hand in this. I wish you courage. Important I consider to mention that you do not do violence to yourself. I mean: be kind to yourself! You only enter when you are ready. You determine. No one else. Because this humanly most significant adventure is extremely intimate. Something between your soul and God. In my eyes transmission is illusion. Transfer of enlightenment is impossible. God is secured. Fortunately. You are invited as a human, as a soul, in your life to discover yourself whether the Invisible Love truly exists. And when you discover It, it is really palpable. The haunted house then proves illusion. As in a flash you are then Home. Not from hearsay. But from experiential knowing! As a mystic or mystica you are then never separated again. Soul and God are then one of two. In eternal well-being. This now is my deepest gratitude.

 

Mysticism as Jackpot

Those who think to be able to win a high prize through a low stake always fall outside the boat within mystical drawings. Within the lottery of mysticism applies: only those who are willing to stake the jackpot will guaranteed get the jackpot paid out. Do you now come to repentance? The jackpot awaits you! Our personality is often so set that it wishes to achieve the most result with the least effort. Our personality wants to win as much as possible and lose as little as possible. Our personality is mentally often a poor sloeber. While we are transpersonally fabulously rich. But many of us cannot get to our Money. Our mystical property is as it were stuck. Our hidden wealth is not liquid. So we have nothing with it. We do not feel our wealth. We do not have our capital in hand. While conscious seekers - thus excluding sleepers - do suspect that our Gold is ours. Can the mystic tell how our property comes into possession? Take your loss! Let go even of the awareness of your unminable gold nobly. Realize that you in fact possess nothing. Let go of your wealth. Let go of your claim. Come to the zero point in your consciousness. One with your zero point you then at some wonderful moment gratefully receive your shining gold... It will sparkle in your eyes. It will flow through your hands. While you have nothing in hand. While you have Nothing in hand. Now that you truly - for the first and last time - have paid the jackpot, it has become living to you that you have won the jackpot! After you have consciously completely sacrificed your attachment to life and well-being. Now you can truly smile. You have freed yourself. Your soul-sincere total stake led to the mystical lot falling on your number. From now on your nothing is your everything. You have seen through your illusory death. You enjoy your jackpot! It is your self-chosen lot. Now you know that you will never fall outside the boat again. And that is why you have been so happy since your mystical enlightening moment: you know that you are eternal life. You receive it continuously. Because you - not as personality, but as soul - are totally free. You no longer stand at the Helm yourself. Oh, what a relief!

 

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When you read the above columns, you may quickly forget that I felt seriously damaged as a child in the minister’s family in the area of religion. Yet that was the case. Besides PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder, I suffered from RTS, religious trauma syndrome. Marlene Winell has written a very recognizable book about RTS: ‘Leaving the fold’. On Winell’s site, journeyfree.org, you can receive her explanation. See also dogmavrij.nl and religieustraumasyndroom.com.

​Religious indoctrination arises when the so vulnerable child’s mind is dogmatically continuously boundary-crossingly bombarded with beliefs from outside. Some emotion I feel directly at the moment such a thing becomes a topic of conversation. True religion, recon­nection, comes from within! I know from experience how severely the soul of a youth is sickeningly pressured, when freedom of thinking, feeling and doing is manipulated through thought prescription.

​Well, back to my mystical enlightening experience. I actually don’t know where to begin. In my mind everything competes for attention. Comparable to the mystical moment. An enormous challenge to offer myself and you a sufficiently interesting selection of descriptions. Let me still first share with you my pamphlet about visual arts. I wrote this in 2004. This offers insight into my engaged views regarding art, truth and spirituality.

 

Pamphlet on Autonomous Visual Art

I consider Truth to be more important than art. Art, in my view, is merely a medium to reveal Truth. It can only do this in a referential sense. Truth simply cannot be revealed. (Truth can only be expressed paradoxically.)

​Art does not need to be innovative. In my view, it is a misconception that art should be innovative. If art must be innovative, why does it take contemporary art seriously? Current contemporary art will be overshadowed in a few years by what is then considered contem­porary art! Art then seems like a hypocrite.

​Repetition in art is permitted. Art should help the viewer to gain more clarity about Truth. Truth is true reality. The reality behind sensory perceptible reality. To remind the viewer of this, repetition is not superfluous. Through repetition, the goal is sometimes easier to achieve.

​The purpose of art is awareness. Art serves to make people (more) aware of Truth. Art thus invites people to examine their perception of reality. And to change it if necessary.

​Art points to perceptionlessness. Changing perception is, in my view, not sufficient. Art carries within it the message that whoever wants to reach Truth (and Art!) is prepared to let go of perception entirely. Changing perception is still an activity within thinking. While art - in my view - focuses on the activity beyond thinking.

​Art should awaken the viewer. Art should not be interested in learning to see differently, but in learning to see through. Seeing through that all changes within sensory perception and processing are not truly important. If art has granted a viewer this insight just once, it has achieved its goal.

​Art focuses on eternity. Perceptual changes point to temporality. The eternal is immutability. And also: the eternal is immutably ongoing changeability. But of a non-earthly nature. I mean: the eternal is separate from our cognitive tinkering. The perception of a three-year-old child is different from that of an eighty-year-old person. But that different perception, that different mental content, is not important for eternity.

​Art has a spiritual content. Referring to the viewer’s soul is important. The viewer should look from there. Through looking at a painting, the viewer should preferably be immediately stimulated to look inward. The material image should become superfluous. When the material image is no longer important, the image works spiritually.

​Art and intellect are not true friends. Where silence and stillness overwhelm the viewer, art performs its healing work. The intellect no longer follows. And the experiencer feels that this is not at all bad. Intellect, in my view, is rather an obstacle. Like a cloud before the sun. Enlightenment certainly does not take place when the viewer focuses on information from De Witte Raaf. But for those who find glitter sufficient, read said info. I prefer to feel and see the Sun.

​Experience of truth is more important than experience of beauty. Painting well according to observation can be art, but usually it is not. The experience of beauty from a well-painted figurative or abstract work easily distracts from the experience of truth. If the packaging is too attractive, there is a chance that one no longer needs the content. Because the viewer does not want to be disturbed in everyday consciousness. Then Truth is not experienced.

​Complicated art is false art. Complexity looks intelligent, but is essentially childish. Compli­cated art is made by artists who have not seen Truth, which is simplicity. They try to achieve the highest within the domain of the intellect. Their striving is understandable, but they mislead the viewer. Art critics are usually well-educated academically. For them, it is extremely stimulating. And thus makers and critics largely determine the intellectualistic tone within art. An almost unbreakable interaction.

​Art should be universal. Universal art is non-representational. It appeals to associations that are not usual for us. It appeals to associations that do not come from our conscious mind. In the untapped unconscious, we are all one. Unnameably universal.

​Art is both understood and not understood. Art that is understood is not art. It lacks the unnameable. Art that is not understood is also not art. It cannot perform its function. Art is paradoxical in itself. And in the viewer. This duality can make the viewer aware of his or her unenlightened state of being.

​Art and soul should coincide. Soulless art is not art. Because in that case there remains a separation between art and soul. At the core, art and soul are one. Monistic rather than dualistic. Even extensive contamination is not enough. Eternal eclipse is what I desire. The soul will provide the art with golden edges.

​Art is divine. Whoever is ever willing to let go of his or her intellect trusts in God. Whoever has experienced (and continues to experience) the intellectual fall knows who God is. Through God, the invisible Artist, a person comes to art. Whoever does not know God does not know art.

 

The Imperfect Character of Language

Language lies. Language can never be truth. Nor can image be truth. Image lies. Where a statement is expressed, the viewer’s thinking is immediately set in motion to search for the opposite. Thinking is dualistic in nature. Thus, truth can never be found through thinking. But Truth exists. And of course, it has countless faces. As a modernist, you can certainly have postmodernist features. You find Truth if you make yourself receptive to receiving it as a gift. Within the world of theses, antitheses, and syntheses, you will never find it. Move beyond it. Recognize your insights and leave the seemingly intelligent land. The appreciation there is illusory. Since my 22nd year of life - I had an enlightenment experience then - I perceive the invisible space. The eyes suddenly no longer had a filter function. The dividing wall had disappeared for a very brief moment - and simultaneously an eternity. What was outside was now also inside. What was inside was now also outside. The space, which I conveniently call invisible by earthly standards, was immeasurable, eternal, and universal. I was everywhere. And nowhere. Magnifique! Dear reader, may you fare Well!

 

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Of note now I will try to define the phenomenon of mysticism as purely as possible. Over the past three decades, I have found and continue to find that Bruno Borchert’s book is the most helpful in this regard. The wording that Borchert uses in ‘Mysticism’ testifies to a balanced erudition that reveals a lived and felt scholarship in a humane manner with integrity. He states: ‘Mysticism is knowing from experience that everything is connected and that everything is one in origin.’

​Borchert attempts to make the phenomenon of mysticism comprehensible through the concept of being in love: ‘Being in love is also an experience: another world enters your consciousness, you get to know someone in an unusual way, you experience connection and desire union.’ ‘Mysticism is a breakthrough of an awareness, a knowing that another reality exists, of which one had no idea before.’ ‘The mystical experience is not really evoked; it happens to someone.’

 

Mystical Experience and Form

‘The core of the mystical experience is seeing through all concrete forms and figures to their ground. This Ground transcends all forms. It is equally the ground of our own self as that of fellow human beings, animals, plants, the earth and the universe.’ ‘Mysticism is knowing from within. It is immediate knowing.’ ‘The mystical experience is brief, all-encompassing and joyful.’ ‘Mysticism can be called a religious experience, but not every religious experience is mystical.’

​‘A mystical experience does not yet make someone a mystic. We only use that name for someone who responds to the experience, wants to give it form, wants to live with it.’ ‘Artists and mystics endure the tension of and fear for the chaos of the inner conflict (holding two experiences together: the experience of good and evil forces and the experience in which everything is so clearly one and good), they find a way out by working with it in a formative way.’

​Borchert also quotes an expression by Maslow in his book: ‘This experience is not merely verbal or intellectual, but permeates one’s entire being and is so profound and gripping that it can change the person’s character forever.’ With his ‘Mysticism’ - in which he discusses not only the mystical experience but also the worldwide history of mysticism - Borchert has written an excellent reference book for laypeople and academics.

 

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Paul Mommaers: ‘A mystic is someone who experiences in an overwhelming way the presence of something that transcends himself and is much more real than anything one considers real. The seemingly solid world in which we live becomes a transparent backdrop for the mystic, because an ultimate reality presents itself. This perception goes together with a complementary psychological phenomenon: the mystic feels his normal ego-ness disappear.’

​From various books I have extracted all kinds of mystical descriptions. I will now list them. Mysticism is the passionate striving for the special union of the soul with God. In mysticism, humans break the boundaries of subject and object: the separation between these two, which is the condition of all (objectifying) thinking, is in principle abolished. Human and world or human and God become one. In mystical consciousness, a separate ‘I’ disappears.

 

The Mystical as Object in the Subject: Contemplation

Mysticism achieves unity by penetrating so deeply into both subject and object that it reaches the actual, essential, which no longer has a name or content. The mystical path can be named as Entwerden [becoming un-become], meaning to traverse the life process and growth process in reverse direction, to become nothing again from something. The mystical experience is an expansion of consciousness in which one sees through the world, as it were.

​Union with the divinity is a mystery that cannot be found by humans but must be granted to him or her by the divinity. Union with the highest divinity is only possible in ecstasy, in which the last limitation of consciousness is temporarily lifted. Mysticism speaks the language of all religions, but no single religion is essential to it. Mystical seeing is abstract, but paradisiacal.

​Mysticism is immediate knowing: there is no medium between the reality that reveals itself and one’s own experience, no word, no image, no doctrine, no thought. Everything is one, is not split into good and evil, into I and the other, into body and mind. Everything then appears to be essentially good. Inside and outside merge. Mystical experience is comparable to being in love; in this case, it sets in motion the process of all-encompassing universal love.

​Douglas Harding in ‘Living Without a Head’: ‘Reasoning, fantasies and all chatter in my head died away... I forgot my name, my human-being, my thing-being, everything that could be called ‘I’ or ‘mine’. Past and future fell away.’ J. Anker Larsen in ‘With Open Door’: ‘When one has encountered the eternal now, East is everywhere, Mecca is the very place where one stands. There is no place where one can seek God, for He is nowhere - and everywhere.’

​Ruusbroec: ‘This contemplation places us in a purity and clarity beyond all our under­standing. No one can come to this through learning or sharpness of intellect nor through any practice whatsoever: but only he whom God wants to unite with Him in his spirit and illuminate with Himself: he alone can contemplate God and no one else. To comprehend God is to be God with God, without medium or otherness, which would constitute hindrance or a screen.’

​Pseudo-Dionysius: ‘The knowledge of God that is most worthy of Him is knowing through not-knowing, in a unity that transcends all intellectual com-prehension, when the intellect turns away from everything, also from itself, and when it becomes one with the rays that are lighter than light, and is illuminated in the unfathomable depth of Wisdom. United with the com­pletely unknowable, he knows in a way that transcends the intellect by knowing nothing.’

​Meister Eckhart: ‘One must come here to a higher form of knowing: that not-knowing does not come from ignorance, but from knowing one must come into a not-knowing. Then we shall become knowing with the divine not-knowing and then our not-knowing is ennobled and adorned with supernatural knowing.’

​I read the above-mentioned mystical quotes from Ruusbroec, Pseudo-Dionysius, and Meister Eckhart in a book by Charles Steur: ‘Non-dualistic Christianity’.

 

The Characteristics of Mystical Experience

William James wrote the book ‘The Varieties of Religious Experience’. He attributes four characteristics to mystical experience. ‘1. Ineffability. 2. Intellectual quality. It gives insight into the depths of truth that cannot be fathomed by logical understanding. 3. Transient character. 4. Passivity. The will is suspended. One is ‘grasped’. (James’ vision read on mystieknetwerk.nl.) James considered personal religion more fundamental than theology and church.

​James: ‘When churches are once established, they live, second-hand, on tradition; but the founders of every church owe their power originally to the fact of their immediate, personal communion with the divine.’ I also looked at it that way shortly after my mystical experience. I still remember well that on Sundays I felt compassion for churchgoers whom I saw walking past my country house in Hierden in 1990, while I experienced God in ecstasy.

​God-, human-, and truth-loving, Freek van Leeuwen wrote the book ‘Spiritual Science’. From his very extensive website geestkunde.net, I borrow a few more quotes from Sufi mystics. Abu Nasr Al-Sarraj: ‘Faith is light. Mystical knowledge is fire.’ ‘In the mystical knowledge of contemplation, understanding, knowledge, explanation and dispute die.’ Khwaya Khurd: ‘O Sayyid! Throw good and bad into the ocean of Unity, so that you may become familiar with Reality.’

​Mahmud Shabistari: ‘Under the veil of each particle is hidden the beauty of the Face of the Beloved, which refreshes the soul. For him whose spirit lives in the contemplation of seeing God, the whole world is the book of God, the Most High.’ Ahmad al-’Alawi: ‘No one understands the meaning of true death except he who has died that death.’ Khwaya Khurd: ‘O Sayyid! Look at yourself with a look of love, for you are identical with the Beloved.’

 

The Testimony of Iris van Haaren

In 2019, Iris van Haaren contacted me after reading my publication of Mystical Happiness. She pointed me to her documentary ‘What You Cannot Speak About.’ I would like to warmly bring her Dutch documentary, which is also subtitled in English, to your attention. On YouTube you can watch her truthful explanation and probing research. Pim van Lommel also speaks. Iris van Haaren has unfortunately passed away. Her documentary is her legacy.

​As I said, I met God when I was 22. At that time, I had also just enrolled for the first year of the social academy. After that academic year, I went to study psychology at university. I com­pleted that first year smoothly as well, but halfway through the second year, I was plagued by age-old symptoms of anxiety and emotionally unprocessed childhood. I quit my studies and decided to register for an intense period of group psychotherapy.

​I do want to say that the field of psychology somewhat disappointed me. It remained limited to research into thinking and behavior, while I had just experienced at 22 that the core of human existence is the soul. But from lectures it became clear that the soul as a research object had fallen outside the domain of psychology for a hundred years already. I rejected its presupposition that truth could be reached through thinking. And later I preferred to choose the art academy.

​Within my everyday thinking, it took about ten years after my enlightenment moment before I could integrate my mystical perception of reality and give it a place. It was an enormous task to successfully perform this internal process simultaneously with my social activities. Making two real modes of perception - relative versus absolute, dualistic versus monistic - into a two-unity daily and experientially was initially a hell of a job.

​That hard work from within was about learning to process what I experienced in those ten years - between my 22nd and 32nd year of life - simultaneously and increasingly better as a connected unity. Viewing information from two lenses. During the same period, I also began to re-perceive my lived life before my 22nd year from my new, extrasensory life lens, as it were. I call this ten-year period the time of pre-realization.

​During that period I was silent. I mean: socially I did not shout from the rooftops that I had experienced the God-experience. But after that time, I became more open about it. I really needed those first ten years to be able to privately come to terms with what had completely transformed me as a person at the deepest level. My everyday thinking also needed to come into lively contact with the transfiguration of my heart. After all, suddenly I had a Heart!

​In early spring 2019, I wrote on a morning without presumption just the words: I am home and I am Home. In retrospect, I can since then title the preceding twenty-year period as realization. Thirty years after the moment of mystical enlightenment, I then - unexpectedly - completed my moment of realization in more than sufficient measure. The process of self-realization continues - until my physical death - but I arrived at and passed the Station.

 

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In this regard, I absolutely think of the concept of parinibbana for relativization. I cannot achieve complete nirvana as a human being in life as long as my body and my mind necessarily interact with the world. Fortunately! Perfectly fine. I also love good food and good grappa. So let me just remain a simple human being. Done. For myself, I have achieved the highest attainable. Extinction and ignition prove to be one and the same. Eternally me. Eternally I.

​Besides acquiring a spiritually blissful consciousness, an enlightened soul life certainly also has disadvantages. I experienced the shadow side especially after I felt forced to end my last love relationship. Of course, I remained connected to God, but after eight years I had to acknowledge my proven inability to direct my girlfriend toward universal symphonic eternal happiness. Moreover, my deviant personality traits.

​I grieved for years. More deeply than before, I realized that transmission is impossible. And, oh, how sorry I was that this was the case especially with the purest girlfriend I ever had. Karin healed me on the level of reliability, unconditional love, and genuine caring. Our dear friend­ship could fortunately continue after our separation. Who knows, perhaps we as twin souls on earth had to experience a relational separation drama to become One.

 

The Testimony of Joke Elziam Nootebos

Although I do not share all of Joke Elziam Nootebos’ ideas, I was impressed by her book ‘Divine Intimacy and Sexuality: Twin Ray Relationships’. Nootebos reveals what makes individuals collide in relationships. I quote: ‘Our souls love each other so much, but our personal self is so different.’ And: ‘We keep each other going through a deep and intimate knowing, a longing for Unity beyond the pain, the behavior and the concerns of our small self.’

​The enlightened Nootebos states: ‘The feminine, the feeling in the man, can form the basis of his strength and creative ability as a loving energy. The masculine in the woman can shine as a protective and boundary-setting force through her love and feeling. But for this, man and woman must be finished with youth, father and mother patterns.’ Yes, you say something there. Enlightenment and psycho-therapy certainly have a relationship; coming to clarity.

​Spiritual and psychological clarification are both important to achieve realization. Borchert: ‘Bhagwan experimented in his ashram in Poona with many psychotherapeutic techniques among his followers. The goal was the liberation of the ‘ego’ and thereby access to mystical consciousness.’ Jan Foudraine, whose books I all read, was a Bhagwan sannyasin. Foudraine made beautiful contributions with ‘Metanoia’ and ‘The Man Who Fell From His Brain’.

​During my light experience, the light disappeared and the Light appeared. I left the derivative by entering the source. Closer to the fire. Yes, even completely one with the fire. As I also wrote in Mystical Happiness: ‘Cremated, I truly experience the true.’ I became the Fire. And having become the Fire, I immediately rose from my ashes. I did nothing. Everything happened to me. Divine resurrection! The deepest darkness is thus apparently the highest light. Unity light. Beyond human chiaroscuro.

​Rembrandt van Rijn is called the master of light-dark. Our eye is sensorially automatically attracted first to that spot on the canvas or in reality that shows us the lightest light and the darkest dark next to each other. Those who paint according to observation make gradual use of that secret. Not so much through color, but precisely through the path of gradually lightening dark gray values. The gray values are the color translations.

​When you look through your eyelids with squinted eyes, you see the different darknesses. We then see our outside world in gray gradations. But what now when we look into our inner world, into our heart? Kazimir Malevich said that the highest art arises in the absence of the mind. Malevich believed that through his abstract painting ‘Black Square’ in 1913, he had depicted ‘the face of God’. When I also saw ‘Black Circle’ from 1913, it moved me enormously.

​The seemingly non-representational nature of the eccentrically painted circle I freely associated with the state of my human existence. If you look at this painting for a long time, you increasingly wish that you would much rather see the circle standing perfectly in the center. I felt a kind of general human suffering. Imperfection. In contrast to the black square. I simply accepted the central placement without any suffering pressure. I immediately interpreted it as being perfection. God.

 

The Unportrayable Can Be Painted After All

The unportrayable could apparently still be painted. The unspeakable was thus still depicted through the non-figurative painting. Decades later, Mark Rothko did this too. Although Rothko simultaneously also connected the earthly and the heavenly. Malevich left that duality out. Piet Mondrian painted the spiritual through geometric color fields, inspired theosophically. Anton Heyboer with roosters. Former teacher Roland Schimmel through afterimages.

​In the book ‘The Spiritual in Art - Abstract Painting: 1890-1985’ I read: ‘The infinite refuses to be expressed into the finite.’ I share that statement. I too have tried to give form to the divine eternal in the humanly finite in visual terms. I quickly found out: impossible! In written language such a thing can still be suggested, but in visual language that often leads to fiasco. Observers who take an artistic image of God literally pollute the beautiful and the unsayable.

​Not painting and not writing is actually best. Silence. Doing nothing. Knowingly doing nothing. Yet science, philosophy and the arts are and remain hunters. They hunt for the divine prey. But that prey will not be discernible in any dimension. At most as a derivative. Mathematically, philosophically and artistically that is fine. Think, for example, of the introduction of the concept of ‘the fourth dimension’ by Charles Howard Hinton and Pyotr Ouspensky.

 

Nothingness as Dimension

God is dimensionless. The eternal is dimensionless. The eternal refuses to be expressed in the finite. Expression of the timeless remains invisibly hidden in the visibly temporal. The eternal is. Here and now. Before and in the future. It is the earth, the sea and the air. It is also not the earth, not the sea and not the air. Eternally ethereal. And you are that too. Fleeting. Not here. Also yes, but at the deepest level not. You are There. There is nothing to achieve. There is Nothing to achieve.

​Coinciding with that Nothing, you will know eternally and never ask again. How to get there? Let go of your belief or disbelief. Obey no leader. Reject every form of obedience in your truth research. Relativize all your personal identifications. Dare to die while alive. Give every­thing, without desiring return. Acknowledge your crisis after accepting your existential fear. Turn your back on God, so that only then you tangibly test the true Backbone!

 

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Science, philosophy and belief about the deepest questions of life can simply be acquired by assumption. Nice and easy. Of course, if your assumption satisfies you sufficiently, you can calmly remain sitting where you sit. I don’t care. But with this writing I do want to kindly point out to you that you thereby seriously reduce, if not make impossible, the chance of mystical enlightening awareness. Whoever rejects access to the doorless door leaves the divine unopened.

​Since that one day I know: paradise is always there, but few walk in it. I also know: in the illusory world death is real and in the real world death is illusory. Paradisiacally eternal is what I have experienced. For eternity, the apparently still poor mental content of a four-year-old child equals the apparently enriched mental content of an eighty-year-old elderly person. Our soul-being precedes and transcends acquired life knowledge and acquired state of consciousness.

 

The Soul Particle Has No Age

Ageless. Equally old. Equally young. On the wavelength of the soul particle there is no dis­tinction. Here no one is a follower either. Here you are the other. Every other is also you. In everyday reality, that is different. No one behaves the same here. Interpersonally there is usually a struggle for leadership. One is then openly or slyly enslaved by the other into a follower. Always reminds me of Stanley Milgram’s obedience theory.

​The true mystic is inimitable. In him or her ‘the other side’ has died. So there is also no motive to ask a fellow human being to follow him or her. Jiddu Krishnamurti was also averse to it. While Bhagwan did want followers. At least, if I understood him correctly, until the moment that follower was ready to kill the master inwardly. I read and listened abundantly to books and lectures by Osho after some time of my mystical awakening.

​Robert Monroe wrote the book ‘Journeys Out of the Body’. On the Monroe Institute website I read: ‘Out-of-body experiences offer first-hand verifiable knowledge of our immor­tality and our spiritual identity. This profound knowledge cannot be adequately explained - it must be experienced.’ Out-of-body experiences are not foreign to me - I evoked them when I was very scared as a child - but they taught me nothing about immortality. But security.

​Temporarily I was then as it were briefly absent. I then positioned the center of my consciousness in the periphery. I pressed my awareness - of threatening traumatic pain during car rides with my family members - outward. Outside my head, outside my body, outside the car. That’s how I learned to disconnect myself. Moreover, more often than I liked. It was an escape. Such a brief moment of successful dissociation helped me at the time, but I would have preferred never to have developed it.

 

Fleeing Is No Longer Possible

It was born from fear. I couldn’t handle the tension, the arguing and the type of language use in that small enclosed situation. But I couldn’t flee. Physically I was stuck in that car. As the youngest and smallest child in that situation mentally and physically threatening to me, I therefore repeatedly impressed upon myself: ‘I am dead! I’m not experiencing this!’ Disturbed of course. I knew that too. But my consciousness sought an escape. It was so unsafe that I even left my body.

​Emotional bodywork and psychotherapy have provided me with amply sufficient healing results as an adult, but my mind did not and does not like riding in a car on a highway. My mind shows itself vulnerable in that area for life. I feel that directly underneath. Like a book by Ted Troost titled: ‘The Body Never Lies’. I created physical-emotional restoration of honor largely by attending bio-energetics growth groups at an estate in Lage Vuursche.

​Exchanging psychological unhappiness for spiritual happiness is of course unhealthy. A lie! A healthy person ensures that the original pain point is not abandoned. You and I should ideally strive for health and happiness in all areas. Denial is in itself a general human phenomenon, but when our living environment is safe, we do not need to apply this emergency measure. Yet the mechanism is mentally life-saving. It works to limit damage.

​It is not damage-free. The potential trauma size is indeed constructively limited, but deploying physical flight works destructively in consciousness. In fact, it is a form of pure self-denial. Against the deepest will. But the traumatized-in-waiting feels very well that he or she must maximally apply the denial. To survive. I consciously left my body a few times as a young child. Unconsciously leaving the body occurs with near-death experience (NDE).

​While conscious, non-intentionally leaving and spontaneously entering is what happened to me during the mystical enlightenment experience (MEE). The person who experiences the NDE does leave but does not enter, in my opinion. That is the cardinal difference between NDE and enlightenment experience. The enlightenment experience is the death experience. Dying while conscious! Although there are some experiential similarities, I would like to highlight below the differences between NDE and MEE.

 

The General Characteristics of NDE (Near-Death Experience):

The feeling of dying. The feeling of being outside the body through exit. Going through dark space or tunnel. Seeing bright light at the end of a tunnel. The feeling of experiencing love, wisdom, knowledge, divine presence and trust in the Light. Seeing a beautiful landscape outside the tunnel, also colors and/or music. Seeing life review from the experience of another. Preview of remaining life. Meeting with deceased persons. The awareness that crossing a boundary makes return impossible. Return to the often painful body. Ineffability. Seeing heaven, paradise. It is difficult to return to earth after an NDE. Seeing love as the deeper reality. The NDEr may believe they literally saw light. Seeing a life overview. Detaching from the physical body and distancing from earth. During NDE the usual light of consciousness goes out. The NDEr was clinically dead, had no heartbeat, no breathing and no everyday consciousness. Contact with a radiant, non-blinding light. Sometimes preview.

 

My Specific Characteristics: MEE (Mystical Enlightenment Experience):

The feeling of dying AND at the same moment being reborn, living as never before. The feeling through exit AND entry of being outside AND inside the body. Did not go through dark space or tunnel; I was directly in the experiential space of Light and Love, in a space of which I appeared to be part, without a here or there, without an inside or outside, without distinctions. The feeling of experiencing love, wisdom, knowledge, divine presence and trust in the Light AND realizing that I have and am all those qualities of that Light; I also appear to be that divine presence, wisdom and love myself. Earthly determinable phenomena such as landscape, colors and music I did not perceive anywhere; I experienced purely love energy. I did not see another’s life review. I did not even behold my OWN life. I experienced the soul particles of everything and everyone. The own and the other proved to be one. I had no preview of my remaining life. My view was the eternity view; a coexisting there and now with here and now. I had no meeting with certain deceased persons; I and ALL others were subjectless and everything around me was objectless: subjects and objects proved to be one and the same substance. Months before my MEE I had already agreed with myself that I dearly wanted to cross the boundary. During my MEE I crossed the boundary. With beforehand very much the awareness that return might no longer be possible. But I consciously took the risk. I gave everything! I died. And that death was real.

​But miraculously enough, I proved after my death - you could say: after my ego-death - to be directly both returned and not returned. My return took place immediately, but WITH the Consciousness given to me in love. I ‘returned’ as enriched Gustaaf. The poor and rich Gustaaf became one, as it were. I was liberated and not liberated. I mean: transpersonally I was free, but intrapersonally I still had to deal with problems from my past and with my potentially future problems. But DIFFERENTLY! By the way, there was also no return to a painful body for me. At most I can say that I returned to the same Gustaaf I already was, including my then still insufficiently processed childhood psychotraumas. But I did NOT find that bad at all! I had experienced the absolute. And I could therefore relativize the mental pains I would still have to go through in my life perfectly.

 

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I was just super happy! Unspeakably happy. It wasn’t so much that I saw the heavenly paradisiacal; it was rather that I WAS the heavenly, WAS the paradisiacal. And AM. And eternally REMAIN. It fell to me much lighter and much more fun after my MEE to be allowed to continue living on earth. I was and am grateful to God that since the Moment I suddenly always realize that I am eternity, that I AM blissfully happy eternity! An awareness that transcends my understanding, but I Know it. I know beyond my understanding. I realize that the deeper reality is love. Outside me and inside me. I am made of it. Just like everything and everyone around me. I saw the light. Not literally, but metaphorically. I did not see a life overview. I remained sublimely connected to my physical body and I did not distance myself from the earth. The period of several months prior to my MEE I did inwardly loosen myself somewhat from my identifications with mind and body and imaginarily traveled on earth to the highest mountain peak, as it were, but during my MEE I was firmly anchored in my body and during the MEE I also perceived the environment sensorially undisturbed. Simultaneously, however, my awareness of the earth mutated in my consciousness into the cosmos.

 

Temporality and Cosmic Eternity

Also temporality revealed itself as eternity. During my MEE the light of my consciousness simply remained on, but my consciousness light was suddenly outshone and shone through by the eternal divine light, of which I immediately became aware of being an inseparably equal part. Since then, Light burns beside light both inside and outside my brain. I am enlightened. In NDE one sometimes experiences a preview, but there is no such thing in MEE. Future, past and even present have disappeared in the enlightenment view. There was ‘only’ Being. There is ‘only’ being. Heartbeat, breathing and everyday consciousness functioned during my MEE as usual. Where the NDEr became extremely LESS lively and was clinically dead, I as MEEr became precisely extremely MORE lively and became cosmically awakened. By looking briefly into a blinding and totally destructive unlivable light. And I was then quickly absorbed into that same light, but now I could and can Be in it, after my untruth and temporality burned up and my true being, my soul particle, proved to be inflamed and full of Life flowing along. The soul particle thus flows along. Magnificent to experience! As a soul particle I am unspeakably blissfully happy infinity. Beyond consciousness. Beyond unconsciousness. Beyond life. Beyond Death. I Am Eternal Being. Amen.

 

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Thus: the being coincides with Being. Being is sensorially perceptible and Being is extra-sensoraly perceptible, but both perceptions are at the deepest level one. Both perceptions are at the deepest level about one and the same reality. The reality IS the Reality. I call the reality ‘3d’ and the Reality ‘3D’. The temporality is then ‘4d’ and eternity becomes ‘4D’. It is only my soul particle that functions at the level of 3D and 4D.

​During my mystical enlightenment experience I experienced that my soul particle is as it were indestructible as information. The soul particle never evolves itself. No information is lost and no information is added. At the mystical contemplation level I saw and see that the unlimited space (3D) and the infinite time (4D) are for our bodily eyes invisibly enfolded in our everyday limited space (3d) and our everyday limited time (4d).

​At the perception level of 3D and 4D I saw and see no hostile aspects. Dying could not happen there, dying cannot happen there and dying will never be able to happen there. A possible death immediately holds rebirth there. The soul particle, by the way, does not behave as co-creator. The particle does participate, but does not create itself. In the immeasur­able space of eternal being, I saw and see that everything is already created. And that that creation is perfect. Already to See here and now.

​At the level of 3d and 4d, a human being on earth can physically and mentally evolve in behavior and, one could argue, co-create. But at the level of 3D and 4D I saw and see that evolution, co-creation and growth do not exist. The soul particle is eternally perfect. As an individual soul part I experienced and experience that I am one with a mystical universal divine immortal Being. Beyond mind, body and matter. Beyond good and evil. Pure love state!

​At the level of 3d and 4d, humans can distinguish the condition of life and death and the qualification of good and evil. In 3D and 4D I saw and see: purely Life, purely Good. In 3D and 4D all questions died in me; all answers were given to me since that early summer of 1990. Since then - I am beginning to repeat myself - I know the unknowable. I know not-knowing. I know the Hidden. I can never become a scientist, philosopher or believer. I am free. Free!

​Since that one second of eternity, a kind of spiritual subject permanence has befallen me. Without having to look into that eternity light again afterwards - which I can no longer do anyway, since my investigative eyes disappeared forever after that moment - I acquired immediately the never to be lost eternity-being that fell to me in divine grace. To my feeling the unborn, child, adult, elderly and deceased died. Birth of the Soul!

 

The Absolute in the Relative

In fact I see the absolute, 3D and 4D, in the relative, 3d and 4d. You and I and everything around us are absorbed in a space and time incomprehensible to our understanding. And yet I could grasp it during the mystical enlightening event. Because I was There for a very brief moment. And immediately saw that There is here. There is no difference. I think that the Gestalt switch is a good comparison in this regard. Such a picture shows two objects, even when you and I see only one.

​The perhaps most famous picture - old and young woman within one image - proves that two perceptions of objectively one and the same image are possible. What is not possible is perceiving both women simultaneously. To be able to see the other woman, someone must first shift focus. The entire picture is then interpreted totally differently. Something like that is then called a paradigm shift in science. With enormous thinking framework consequences.

​Whoever grew up with learned knowledge that in retrospect can suddenly be characterized as being an incorrect reproduction feels considerably fooled. Resistance to suddenly see a totally different object in one and the same image is then understandable. And if interests are at stake, it may be that ‘the scholar’ - at the level of university, higher vocational, secondary vocational and lower vocational education - activates all kinds of defense mechanisms to deliberately deny the second perception.

 

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Although I continuously have exactly the same reality image knowledge of 3D and 4D beside 3d and 4d, in everyday life I can alternately focus more or less on the reality of the lowercase letter d or the capital letter D. I prefer to live twenty-four-seven from the dimensions of the capital letter - and at the deepest level I also do that continuously - but on the surface I am repeatedly forced to behave according to the laws of the small letters. Seemingly unen­lightened.

 

It No Longer Matters Where I Am

After my soul-experience - not an out-of-body-experience, but an out-of-mind-experience - it somehow no longer matters to me where I am. After all, I am always as 3d/4d in 3D/4D. Always! My soul functions outside and inside my body, outside and inside my mind. By the way, I perceive my soul particle as being immaterial material. Undetectable. At most experienceable and thus perceptible at the never inducible esoteric enlightenment moment.

​The material side of the soul is the carrier. The carrier of what is sacred. The carrier itself is also sacred. The divine secret cannot be known. Only whoever surrenders during life will taste the fruits of that surrender during life. He or she then also directly knows themselves as Child. But like God, the mystic will at the deepest level be able to say nothing about the blissfully happy secrets behind all your research fields. Entering those dimensions is only possible without entry. Without I.

​Whoever as observer totally disappears, appears in the capital letter dimension. Whoever partially disappears already relativizes the lowercase letter dimensions, but perceives reality paranormally. The observer then floats as it were between the relative and the absolute. Neither in 3d and 4d, nor in 3D and 4D. The paranormal perceptions are therefore a mixture of hits and misses. Because both the lower and the higher are perceived with bias. The view is then too diffuse.

 

Does the Paranormal Exist?

Validity and reliability of paranormal perceptions are therefore often debatable. Hardliner critics from both dimensions - lowercase and capital letters - will then always be able to reject the paranormal. Rightly and wrongly. The paranormal perception may in my view be seen as a partial preview. Whereby one should remain extremely modest. A blurred perception tells something about light, dark and form, but nothing with certainty.

​Getting excited and believing in a certain hope of probability I consider insufficient. Keep your observations private for now in this regard. Understand me correctly, the observations are real, but you do not see clearly. Not clearly enough. My clairsentience and clairknowing helped me quite well in my life, but it was not completely pure perception. Post-paranormal, beyond distortion, beyond the as-if, there you see the pure, the true reality.

​Playing pseudo-dead will not make you end up in the true reality. Whoever is not uncon­ditionally and irreversibly willing to give his or her life completely to the absolutely unimagin­able with heart and soul will not be able to be granted the eternally living death. Means such as ayahuasca, psilocybin or LSD may hallucinogenically perhaps be able to give some effect of what is understood by divine reality, but it is no more than safely trial dying.

 

God Is Not a Fairground Attraction

Whoever believes they may taste the blissful divinity in a day, weekend or week does not realize that he or she surrenders themselves to only temporary willingness to lose themselves with relatively little risk. Such a thing is of course a sham surrender. For show. For your own and perhaps also others’ show. As a temporary booster rocket that is, for those who want to do such a thing once, fine in itself, but you do not then permanently exchange the earth for the cosmos.

​Wim Kayzer interviewed artists, scientists, writers, philosophers and musicians from the philosophical question ‘What makes this life worthwhile?’ at the time of the last turn of the century. During the last television broadcast with all participants in Kayzer’s brilliant life work ‘Of Beauty and Consolation’, Karel Appel answered, shocked after listening annoyedly to what in his eyes were mostly intellectual pigeon holers: ‘Being and non-being is one thing!’

​I see it this way too. Non-life is also life. Life and non-life, being and non-being take place in Life, in Being. The yes and the no is real, but the deeper reality is the space and time in which this happens. In 3D and 4D, death and life do not matter. Death or life does not exist there. In the dimensions of infinite space and time everything is absolute. Unlimited. In 3d our limited vision can be further reduced by fog, but in 3D the vision remains undiminished Infinite.

​Seeing through that my hidden happiness wave, my soul particle, my eternity part is who I really am, makes me at peace with the imperfection of dimensions 3d and 4d. After all, I am embedded. Eternally safe, happy and perfect. Body, mind and matter are finite, but the mentioned particle waves infinitely onward in 3D/4D. Later and already now. Not as conscious, not as uncon­scious, but as seemingly uncoupled, infinite Nothingness.

​My soul particle feels person-bound and lives at transpersonal level. At this soul level I cannot but eternally love everything and everyone unconditionally. Including my parents. Immediately! But at interpersonal level that ‘loving’ is totally different. At 3d/4d level - material, physical and mental - I certainly do not love everything and everyone. I am and remain truthful in this regard too. From two perceptions. Becoming and un-becoming.

​From all of the above it becomes clear that I am inclined to state that in essence no extra dimensions exist. I mean: my comprehensible time and space is contained in incomprehensible time and space. Those ‘dimensions’ coincide. I exist eternally. I am the infinite that simul­ta­neously temporarily experiences something finite. The consciously experienced eternity awareness has caused my perception to now be infinite in character. I Am Now Upside Down: Grounded in the Universe, Untraceable!

 

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